“God will never forgive me.”

“No, that’s not true.”

“You don’t know—you just don’t know.”

“What?  Tell me.”

“Remember a couple of months ago when I said I thought I was pregnant?”

“Yeah, but you said…”

“Well, it was positive.”

“Oh…”

“And last week I had an abortion.”

Staring at my sister’s agonizing expression broke my heart.  In that second, abortion had a face.  It wasn’t what it used to be for me.  Before I pictured the unborn babies, but what I saw before me was it:  A face swollen, tear-stained, sorrow-filled, and so ashamed.  Hundreds of thoughts rushed through my head.  I tried to pick the right one to verbalize, but everyone I tried was wrong.  While my heart was breaking, my sister’s heart was ripped to shreds.

I have since that moment watched my sister run an entire gamut of emotions:  paralyzing fear, unexplained anger, breath-taking anxiety, guilt and more guilt followed by unspeakable shame.  Depression took up residence, and the suicidal thoughts pursued her steps.  Those of us who loved her watched helplessly, hoping that she would turn to the only One we knew that could soothe her.

Then we watched in amazement when the Holy Spirit gently took her hand and led her back to Jesus’ side during a church service.  As healing began, God confirmed that she was worthy of everything she thought that she was not.  She met her husband, and incredible man who gave her unconditional love and acceptance.  Their whirlwind romance was the stuff fairytales are made of.  She was then introduced to a wonderful group of ladies that lead Bible studies for women who have had abortions.

When my sister became pregnant for the second time, she realized that she did not have closure from her first pregnancy; so, she took an ordinary shoebox, and made it an extraordinary object of redemption.  She filled it with personal affects that only mattered to her and the baby.  Believing with all her heart that the baby was a little girl, she gave it a name.  Her husband requested the baby’s last name be his, because he loved it already in his heart.  Before she placed the lid on the box, she enclosed this note.  With her permission, this is the note she wrote to her daughter word for word.

To Eden Rain Jones:

In this box are a lot of memories of my history and your history and the people in my life at that time when you came into my life.  I’m very sorry I never got to meet you.  You’re in my thoughts every day.  One of the things I wish is I knew what you looked like.  I know you’re beautiful.  I can’t wait to meet you, but that is up to God.  You made such an impact on my life, a life changing matter.  I can’t thank you enough for that.  You mean the world to me, and you are so special.  Again, I can’t wait to meet you for the first time.  I look forward to that every day.

With lots of love,

Mommy

Taking some liberties of my own, this is the letter that I believe beautiful little Eden would send back to her mommy.

To My Mommy:

I don’t want you to worry about me anymore.  I’m in heaven with Jesus.  I get to dance and sing every day.  I bet I got some of my moves from you.  Jesus says I sound like you when I sing.  I didn’t know my name, but now I do.  Thank you.  Jesus said you asked for forgiveness.  Just like He forgave you, well I did too.  Please don’t worry.  He takes good care of me.  If I ever get scared or lonely, Jesus holds and rocks me.  I’m in a better place waiting for you.  I love you.

Your Angel In Heaven,

Eden Rain Jones

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” ~Romans 8:1