Struggling with a mental illness, I have spent several days in psych wards while they have regulated my medications.  During one of stays I went to a group session. We were given a sheet of paper to make a poem that said, “I am,” dot, dot, dot; “I will,” dot, dot, dot; “I wish,” dot, dot…you get the idea. I noticed the woman next to me was actually copying my answers!  Could you cheat on a poem?  I looked up at her, and she smiled a toothy grin. 

Do I tattletale? I wondered. 

I shrugged it off, and wondered if I should turn the paper for her to see more clearly.  After a few minutes, we were told that we would share our poems.  She called on several patients and then called on the “cheater” sitting next to me who had copied some of my thoughts on paper.

When the instructor called on her, she just shook her head at the therapist and said, “No comprendo.” 

Sheepishly, I realized she was just copying my letters, not my answers.

That night I could not go to sleep.  They were striving to find the best medications.  One of the disadvantages to my illness is not being able to sleep without proper medication.  I lay in my bed begging for God to please heal me.  I reminded him that he was the great physician (as if he didn’t know!).  I truly believed that He could heal me.  I told him I had the faith.  I lay there for another hour with no sleep claiming me.  I decided to try a different tactic.  Since God wouldn’t heal me, I asked him to let me go to sleep.

After all, I reminded God once again that in Psalm 127:2 it says, God grants sleep to those He loves.

I quoted that verse and pleaded God for the relief of sleep to claim me.  After lying there for another hour, I cried and cried until my pillow was drenched in my tears.  I felt so alone.  I felt like God was saying, No comprendo, or even worse, saying nothing at all.  It would take me awhile before I would understand, that God did answer my prayer, just not how I wanted. God never says “no comprendo” to us.  I was praying with the wrong motives. God already knows what I am thinking before I speak a single word of my prayer.

Psalm 139:2, 22 (NIV) You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

He already knows exactly what we are thinking before we ever pray.  Prayer to God is just showing the motive we have behind what we want.  God gives us an example of the best way to pray in the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6.  But before he begins the prayer, he gives us a clue about how our prayers will be answered.

This is your Father you are dealing with, and he knows better than you what you need. Matthew 6:7 (The Message)

It is so difficult to trust God’s answer.  We don’t look or know all the variables that God sees and knows.  We have trouble understanding why we have to bear the crosses we have to bear. Jesus himself questioned God before he was going to the cross.  He begged and asked God to remove this death on the cross that he knew was going to happen. However, at the end of his prayer he surrendered.

“Thy will be done.” Matthew 6:10 (KJV)

Sometimes I am so arrogant believing that I know better then God and that he should do exactly as I ask.  I think when I don’t get what I want God isn’t listening.  Didn’t he understand that “yes” was the best answer?  Sometimes I climb on my high horse, and let God know that surely I know better then him.

Psalm 37:4 (NIV) states, Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

In Matthew Henry’s Concise Commentary on this verse, he says, by prayer spread thy case and all thy cares before the Lord, and trust in him. We must do our duty, and then leave the event with God.

That is so hard to do.  Pray. Then leave it in God’s hands. “Thy will be done.” 

I don’t know why God did not answer my prayer to let me sleep.  I have thought that maybe he wanted me to remember how important it is for me to take my meds regularly to avoid being locked up, or to quit taking my diagnosis so lightly.  At sometime during the night, I surrendered and God granted me sleep.

Our heart has to come from the right motive when we pray.  We can’t tell God that he has to answer just so.  We have to trust him to know the best way to answer our prayers.  And just because we don’t think he answered the way we believe he should have, we assume God is saying, “No comprendo.” Many of our prayers are selfish and self-seeking. It is very important to pray, but pray and leave it in God’s hands. It only makes sense to talk to God about our emotions, even how we would like him to answer. But, we must end the prayer by submission:  Thy will be done.